Just starting out

It’ so easy to think about of all kinds of wonderful thoughts, to have deep and meaningful thoughts but their is a blockage that comes when I pull out the paper and pick up my pen.  My mind then goes blank, just completely blank, everything is gone.  Does stage freight exist with written words while sitting alone in your car?  Do this a few times and I just end up writing stuff like this, ramble on about nonsense and how I just cant do it, defiantly a de-motivater, when I know a great stringing together of words are stuck in my  ridiculous mind that clams up and just like that I give it up again.  In a few months I’ll be sitting at my low paying job taking stupid abuse and yes it stupidity because of my co-workers , these people I am in charge of are insubordinate to some type of extreme, which is real bad because this job that they and I have is relaxed and easy, there is nothing to it.  There is nothing I can do but take another angry call get yelled at and cussed out, till I get to the point where a good Ass. Manager probably wouldn’t do and blame the staff, tell these angry customers the truth.  Maybe I am trying to get some sympathy when ass kissing does not work, but hey cant blame them for being angry but really its not my fault, “the driver you have tonight is dirty, slow, has no care, or sense of urgency or customer satisfaction” and yet again there is nothing I can do about it because I myself am just pee-on manager (when really I am literally the only one actually certified to be in that spot)  My GM is a self centered controlling redneck who thinks he is gods gift but really he is killing the business and has no business running a business.  Go above him you say? no help there they don’t listen they know all, except how to come in this place and do the jobs we do, they think they know money but they don’t know that either bc they are barely breaking even. but yes they don’t listen their Manger (yes Manger because that’s how my redneck boss spelled on his 500 business cards he made himself) anyway their Manger is great, they chose him after all.. The problem is the ones who care and are tying to help.  After a couple more angry calls and giving my name and number to the customer so they can call cooperate who also don’t listen but I must hear them out, and a few angry text to a great friend of mine who also works there I say fuck this job and get back at an old passion of mine, writing… then this happens all my thoughts and words abandon ship, (secure the life boats I’m going down) then I babble on some nonsense like this and I throw the paper away and give into the life that I have.. except this time when I started this I had this speech like thing planned in my head before I got out an old notebook then stage freight, I just did not throw this one away, instead I got online and did some research and found this site, and I think I started this and used this nonsense ramble as a first post because I am hoping that this will help, this will work even stupid shit like this can help get back into like I used to be. Writing in it’s best form has to be whatever my mind comes up with when pen touches paper. Practice write some more rambles and start becoming me again..  advice, comments and a general how to on this site is welcomed I just want to write again and I want my words to mean something to somebody one day.