Breaking free, turns out it’s easy

Yes, I’m doing fine

If anyone has the mind to inquire

You see, the weight of the world

It no longer brings me down

But wait, let me clarify

It’s not the whole world you see

No, just the weight of yours

Your heavy burden no longer keeps me grounded

Look and see my wrist are free

Those chains and locks

Well I found the key

All along it was inside of me

Kudos to you dear, you hid it well

They kept me in place

Looking around with no way to escape

At least, that is what you had me think

I smile now, this was no catastrophe

One look inside and I laugh at this pseudo tragedy

As I look behind all of that

High up on your concrete shrine

I saw this light, I noticed it’s shine

Too far out of reach

Then I realized you had unknowingly gave me all that I need

 

The chains, the locks, the weight of your life

It was more than enough

To tear this prison down

As I watched it all fumble to the ground

The light never lost its place

Shining brighter through the rubble

That’s where I found your once hidden key

I’ve never felt so alive now that I’m free

What about that mess I made?

Well darling, that’s yours to clean

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Living with the mentally abusive

I gave you my hand

Thinking you’d understand

I let you see who I am

I showed you myself 

Inside and out 

You don’t look at me straight 

You make sure to see anything but the real me 

You beg to know why I cry 

But you lied you said you cared 

It kills me so 

Only because I know 

What you said was not true 

It was fake, your a fake 

 You don’t care

You rather me die 

I’m nothing not even trash 

I seem to be even less 

I wish you could see I really do love you 

I thought you were the one

But like always I guess I was wrong 

Maybe that’s why I just sung this song 

#NoBillNoBreak

This has got to be the most beautiful protest, sit in I have ever read about.  I get the honor to watch this stream, I’ve watched the count go from 1.1k to almost 8k now in about 30 minutes time, history is in the making and it is absolutely beautiful.  I don’t usually get into politics, I’ll read the arguments and the articles but my comments stay with in the walls of this house, what I am seeing streamed live by these senators because the cameras were turned off is inspiring.  Polictians are known for showing no true action rarely is something actually done, pre wrote speeches, news conferences, interviews and ads are placed all around while they claim to have a voice and they are fighting for change, but we barely see it, well we are seeing it now, I d the people with the negative comments would just for once listen they would see that they are not doing this to ban runs altogether, they are fighting for stricter gun laws, they are fighting for the safety of the American people, they are not trying to “take my guns”  This sit in is not something we expect from members of the house but it is something we can all respect, admire and watch knowing they do actually care, they can take action, they are doing what the people elected them to do and it’s amazing.

I am not against guns, I own a gun myself and I don’t believe they should be outright banned, but with that being said once I waited 1 month for a background check to come in for a job but it only took me 30 mins to walk out with the mentioned gun.. How can people not see a problem with that? How can people believe that it’s ok to sell a gun to people with a history of violence that’s was not considered a felony? To men and women on the no fly list? To the mentally unstable? Stricter gun laws will save lives, yes I know people will still be able to illegally get a gun but if your hold all gun owners responsible for that gun they purchased for themselves it’s less likely they are going to sell or trade it, make everyone register there weapons, hold insurance on their guns, they will think twice before handing it off.

Stand or sit tall dems! Inspire and make a change.  You have the support of many and I admire your courage and your fight.

Writers Block 

This is Thomas aka roady our beautiful Tom cat, when I first moved in here he hid in a window and meowed all the time, was shy, hidden and as they say not him self at all.  I had an instant connection with this cat he was intriguing and I wanted to break him down and bring him back out of his turmoil, it was a personal mission I refused to fail.  It took a month or so of me living here, a few scratches and angry hisses later to bring him out of his dislike of me and the rest of the house it seemed.  I would go spend a few minutes a time sitting by his window with him, brought him food was water because he refused to eat and touch as close to him as I could, meow with him, hiss with him and stare out that awful window.  When he finally started creeping out of that room and off that hated window sill we were all happy and shocked and tried to not pay much attention to it, I’d still meow at him and talk to him, very slowly after leaving his safe place his real personality started to shine.  To everyone’s surprise he stayed by my side, cuddled with me at night and became my lap cat, as the roommates said that is different he don’t cuddle, he likes people and he likes to talk when someone walks close to him.  I love this cat, love cuddling, I love having conversations with him (yes it’s like a conversation when you get him going) he greets me when I walk in the door, his big eyes are very expressive he is all around expressive.  Now Mr thomas has a thing where he likes to lay on my notebooks if I put one down, my roommate said it looks like he is protecting it.  This morning as I was writing he kept jumping in my lap and laying right on the pages, I even put another notebook down beside me and placed him on it but no right back in my lap, so I placed two notebooks down for him and after five attempts I got him to stay on those.  Maybe he did not like the subject I was writing about? Is that the true definition of writers block? A 15 pound Tom cat? 

Don’t love me 

Don’t touch my soul

Don’t hold my hand 

Try not to get to close 

Hang your heart out of the window

But don’t let it fall

Don’t love me 

Love means not a damn thing to me 

I’ve been hurt too many times 

To let you do it again 

Don’t kiss my lips their poison

Don’t love me 

Don’t remember me 

Only know me for a day 

You’ll be ok 

Just don’t love me 

You

You

Your body 

Your eyes

Your lips

Oh those legs 

The way you talk 

The way you move 

Your personality

Your insecurities

Your nervous tendencies

And that smile that’s enough

I could end this now.. That smile 

Your laugh 

It’s the most addicting sound 

I will not forget your heart 

Or your doubt 

Your mind-the way it works 

Astonishing I could listen to you talk for hours 

About your passions your dreams

Stories of the past and former loves

Any subject for hours 

You are inspiring 

You are everything 

You will never know 

How much I cherish.. No adore 

No admire…. Wait how amazed I am 

You 

I love you 

You will never know 

You will never feel it back the same

I don’t care though 

Simply because 

You 

You however that’s enough 

Frustrations of weight

Obesity is a huge issue, has been for a while and will be for a long time to come, it’s a great topic to write about; easy, fast, lots of info on and everyone personally knows someone.  A writer with a blockage it’s an easy topic, today I want to write but couldn’t think of what to write about, so I decided to not write about obesity, I want to talk about the opposite.

I am 27 years old 5’6 and i weigh on my best days 107, I have always been underweight and no, I am not anorexic.  I love food, I love to eat, I am very active (nerves, can’t sit still) I love healthy food and I can not gain weight.  I have had plenty of failed attempts and plenty more times I have stepped on the scale and was scared to see it say 111, a couple of days later it will say 105.  It’s discouraging and it sucks just like someone trying to lose weight and watching their effort go no where, trust me it all hurts the same.

Through my efforts of gaining weight and muscle I don’t get near the amount of encouragement and help people do who are overweight, “why do you want to gain weight?” “You’re fine, don’t worry.”  “why complain because you can’t gain?” “At least you’re not heavy, you are healthier than me.”  people seem to forget that being underweight is unhealthy and carries its own risk as well.  I am weak, no muscle mass, I am tired, I am constantly cold and I have hyperkalemia: a potassium deficiency.  My potassium levels have been so low I have been hospitalized over them, with weak muscles including my heart irregular heartbeat, I can not count the nights or the numbers of cramps aka Charlie horses I have in one single night, the places I have had them.  One night I woke up to cramps in both my legs at the same time.. I know after those nights I am going to have a terrible day, I will be weak, exhausted and my blood pressure is going to be wack all day.  (but I should not say anything because I am small)

Quite frankly it pisses me off when I get the negative comments in my attempt to gain weight, I am a human and I don’t like my weight, I want to change it the derogatory comments are unnecessary and I shouldn’t have to defend that to people but since I am underweight people think its ok to comment and that it is not harmful, I wish to change that.  Maybe it’s jealousy, envy maybe anger, idk honestly those are just my thoughts on way because the response I always get is “you don’t need to gain, try being me.” I understand I really do being overweight sucks, but so does being underweight

I had an argument with a customer a few days ago about this subject, we was having random conversation while she was waiting for her food she made a comment about how hot it was in the building and I replied “Yes it sucks it’s too hot to move around too much and it is really hurting my weight gaining efforts, it’s like a sonah in here.” My comment pissed her off and she was offended by the fact that I was complaining about being skinny.  Really?  If we take a look at health risks for over and underweight they are not much different at all, it’s the way people view it that makes it so different.  All sizes are beautiful, I am non judgemental and will support people who want to change themselves when they are doing it for the right reasons, for themselves, their health.  Why can’t people be the same towards me?

I am not an asshole, rude, downing anyone or trying to offend when I talk about my weight.  If I take to social media and post this picture and this caption what will happen? Will I get as many likes? Words of encouragement? Or hateful remarks? again I stress that I am not hating on anyone, personality is all that matters to me.  I included my arm in the pic to show are small I really am.

 

IMAG0772

“Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.”

 

What kind of response would I get? I am going to find out.