Introspect

Introspect- to look within, sounds the same as self analyzing.  Looking within yourself to figure out your mental state, examining your own thoughts and feelings.  I have been doing that lately started with my analyzing, breaking down my habits, thoughts, feelings, moods, what brought them around, my all around mental state, never calm always something dark raging inside, depressed, anxious, neurotic.  I figured out all my triggers, it  felt it was a little to easy.  Started by making a list of things I used to do, hobbies I had, individually wrote about each one and why I thought I had quit doing them and became who I was.  I learned more when I read just a few principles of stoicism, how yes I was correct in my six page long self review except  my emotions were the cause for my  giving up, not other people’s.   I have accepted it and nothing in the past has any power over my mind any more. Oh yes it seemed a little too easy to me but it was really that simple, with a serious attitude it was that easy.

The future, I can’t know but this experience thus far has taught me so much, I have found it easier to just sit down and write.  I have found it easier to be calm at work today (yesterday when I wrote this) when I felt the what was normal anger start to rise I was able to stop a second and think “it’s not worth it, these hateful notes and threats from this manager and the owners they are not in control of this business or their lives so I will receive the bad end of it… pffft whatever, I’m happy forget them.” Now the whole day I found issues that made me mad or anxious, and a few times it took me longer and some wise words from a friend (like usual) to calm back down to look inside at my real mood, but I did work a 14 hour shift without an break as I watched my half smoked cigarettes burn away,  my food became cold it was a lot easier to be ok.

So introspect I’ve already been doing it this whole adventure.  As I have been trying to write about this I felt as if it was stuff I have already said.. Sorry captain there is always tomorrows word of the day.  Unless I have this introspect thing all wrong, or maybe stoicism is what I have wrong? Hey see that there’s my anxiety.

“Knowing others is intelligence, knowing yourself is true wisdom.  Mastering others is strength, mastering yourself is true power.  If you realize you have enough you truly are rich.” -Lao Tzu-

 

 

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