Burnt away

Further and further I seem to drift away

Inside I feel myself grow cold tired and old

I stand before one bare and exposed 

Standing like that which came before me

Plain, white against the dark of night 

I’ve struggled to hold onto what once thrived inside of me 

Blazing higher brighter than light from the fire

It wasn’t smothered away 

I let go a little at a time 

As the fire burned away 

I did nothing but watch embers fade

So all I ask is for you to spare yourself please

I’ve tried and tried to explain

Emptiness still resides

This emptiness consumes me but that is my way

You can not save me with words and gestures

Genuine affection as soft as the rain

I beg you save yourself from me

There is no cure for me 

After all because of the rain 

I cannot relight the flame

Haunted

I don’t want to be haunted by the past

By your harmful words and actions

Although you see no wrong

You expect forgiveness all the same

I should just let everything go

We are family, we share the same blood

I wouldn’t take a bullet for a friend who has done me this way

Why should I allow you another chance to aim?

I am wired to forgive

But that wire has caught fire

I lit the match

You sparked the flame

The past is the past

I should just let it go

Your words and actions today

All sound the same

I am left in a seemingly endless cycle

Not stuck between wrong and right

More should I try to fix this?

It’s impossible when you see no wrong

Leaving me to take the blame

Most days I know I should walk away

Twenty eight years is a long time spent full of doubt and questions

I know all the answers

But my mind is still full of shame

I’m left here alone pacing and anxious

I can’t understand why I fight myself day after day

I shouldn’t care about this pointless pain

Do you know your darkness?

Where does your darkness live?

Do you hide it out of fear? 

Is it out there for all to see?

Is it the cry of a child that makes you smile?

The pain of another that gets you off?

Where does this darkness come from?

Are we born with it?

Or is it created?

Molded together by our day to day lives in our most impressionable years?

Or does it come swooping into our lives?

From somewhere far away?

Unexpected like a daring thief working in the daylight

Did it steal your life away?

So fast that you couldn’t stop to give it a name

Maybe you embraced it as if it was always there

Tell everyone you never felt the slightest change

Does everyone know your darkness?

Can anyone see your true face?

Or is it hidden behind a veil of fake smiles

Deceivingly contagious laughter

Do you even know it’s there?

Or does your mind tell you it’s ok?

Nothing is wrong with the actions you make 

Did you tell yourself every kid should bring a gun to school?

The innocent woman deserved what she got?

That child deserved to be murdered, he was unplanned anyway

You need other people’s possesions more than they do

They worked to buy it now your work to steal it

Is that fair trade?

Is your darkness the face of fears?

Does your birth given name bring others pain?

They cringe at just the sight of your face? 

Maybe your darkness is the face of hope

Putting light and motivation in the ones who follow your lead

Do you hide your darkness in plain sight?

Step on stage and give a hate filled speech

Are you able to spread it around the world night after night? 

With thousands in attendance and millions more watching from their couch

Most watching in shame 

While awakening the dark in others who have learned to idolize you

Every person who blindly follows you becomes every word you have ever said

Leaving the rest those whose darkness leads a different path 

Frozen in shock standing with their mouths agape

Only because their darkness goes by a different name

Are you ashamed by any of this?

Is this darkness what you strive for?

Do you hide your darkness in a needle?

Spread it through your veins for a quick high

A seemingly painless night

Selling to the vulnerable and weak minded

Using kids to commit your crimes

Take to the streets and sell weapons to the highest bidder

Unlock your doors and sell to whoever under the false pretense of home protection

Sell a fully automatic to someone whose darkness will never be forgotten

R.I.P. to all the senseless murders in the name of hate

Would that keep you up or will your darkness allow you peaceful sleep?

After all I’ve always heard being rich is the ultimate end game

Are you quick to judge the darkness in others?

While looking the other way to your own

Do you justify it? Making it seem safe?

Walk around as if it does not exist

While scolding and downing the darkness in others

Everyone has a darkness unbeknownst to you or not 

What is your darkness?

Have you blocked its face?

Maybe you just forgot to give it name.

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