A cowards move, a child’s pain (Possible trigger)

I wonder why you love to bring misery?
Your own life, is it unsatisfactory?
With a wife and three kids
Who were there no matter what crimes you’d commit
She was 15 you were 38
How could claim it was an honest mistake?
Baby, do you remember what we talked about?
You whispered as you looked her way
Those are the words that have stuck in her head
It was the pain pills you had said
You left her and your kids alone in that room
Wait, what is happening now?
To explain to your wife how you was confused
She went back a few years
Remembering how you fought her tears
She could hear all the commotion around her
She knew physically she was right here
Her mind was taking her so many places elsewhere
You used to hold her while she cried
Took her hand and stood proudly by her side
You brought her courage when she was scared
You taught her how to hold her head up and fight all her fears
There are whispers in the hallway
What are they doing? Planning their escape?
She couldn’t keep up it was all too much
She is crying now remembering your touch
Going back and questioning every single hug
You were the one she ran to when life was too tough
Why are people yelling? Everyone shut up
She needs it quiet, her voice she couldn’t speak
She had to stay in her head, she knew she was weak
She was in the past remembering all the good
It was shielding her, that she understood
All the time spent with your family
She was one of you, all those times she was happy
What do you mean? Who has to go?
You had just came back, saved her from old ghost
One year earlier, remember you were the first to see those scars
She came to you uncovered her neck and showed you the marks
The anger in your eyes, she watched turn into a fatherly hurt
The fear you seen in her eyes changed the anger in your heart
You failed to protect and swore it would never happen again
As you held her in your arms and promised this wasn’t the end
It’s the middle of the night
Why is everyone talking?
She heard her mom ask them to stay
Why didn’t she understand the had to go away?
The last time they left quietly
She found the house empty, they left only a note
Emergency, they had no choice but to go
They came back for her at just the right time
They came back and saved her when her best friend died
When she couldn’t take the pain anymore
Everyone was too busy to notice she was gone
She wanted to speak but silence was all she found
She was lost, there she was bound
She was the one hurting, why did no one care what she thought?
Somewhere in her mind she heard noise, did the truck just start?
This can’t happen, they need to be stopped
If they leave now, they’ll never be caught
She used to ride in that truck
They drove her far away from there to prove to her she wasn’t stuck
They traveled the country
He had her in his custody
Why did he wait? So many opportunities
What was so special about today?
The house was quiet now, she heard the tires screech away
She still couldn’t move, alone at last
It’s not safe to drive that fast
Curvy roads filled with heer
What happens if they wreck?
She glanced around the empty room, what happens next?
It’s been a long time since she was left alone
This is how it should be, this is her home
A knock on her door, her mom pleaded for her to talk
Mom she is tired after all it’s two o’clock
What happened? Why did they leave? Tell me are they running from something?
They are running from me she wanted to say
No, don’t speak you can’t
Will the cops come? They can’t she has to hide
No, no can know she has to change
She remembers the last they came, it wasn’t too long ago after all
They took her clothes for processing, violating her again
Processing? what an awful way to describe the aftermath
For the first time she since she woke and felt him she could move
This is what it’s like to feel
In a hurry she hid her pants, those are her favorite pants
Now no one would know she could forget the pain
She crawled into their bed, awaiting the new day
No sleep, no smile, no tears
For the first time, she felt no fear

 

 

 

 

 

 

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You Left Me

poem I wrote when I was 15-16, I wrote it shortly after the death of my best friend; my only friend.

 

These pills I pop

These drinks I down

I wonder how long it will take until

I’m cold and dead on this ground

My eyes can’t lie

It’s my heart that’s broken

You left me

And I can’t live without you

I miss you so much

My pain gets me to act this way

I don’t know what to do

This drink takes away a few memories in a glass

But the sad thing

I know in the morning they will be back

If there is a god

He’ll take my life

I don’t want to be around

Because you’ll never be back

I don’t want and I don’t deserve another chance

You were too good to be true

I never wanted to lose sight of you

I truly loved you

 

Old stuff

Yesterday I traveled a far and long path to brave my mother’s basement, the basement that I am convinced is where all spider nightmares go for vacation.  I went threw alot of my old stuff.  Not too much because I wanted out of there before anybody got home, grabbed a couple of boxes and an old laptop bag full of old journals and random things.  When I wrote alot and doodled when bored and nothing came to mind I would write random things on scrap paper, so far these are my favorite finds.. random and just plain me, no heavy thinking was involved

Here is a couple of them

I’m just sitting here making airplanes, paper ones that crash, why wont they fly?  I folded them the way the website told me and still they just crash.  Now I’m just sitting here watching people laugh at me, I was not trying to make a bad stunt plane, I did not wish to entertain.. I wanted a glider.

Now I am sitting out here crashing other peoples airplanes.

 

Anybody have a muse for sale? mine is on strike and since I can not meet its demands (better pay, better management, and less eraser) there is no crossing the line anytime soon.  This is a horrible standoff